Sit

Morning. Email. Inbox.

Her:

“I want you to know I have been fucking your husband for the past three months! I hope he lied to me as much as he lied to you! I want you to know I would have never dated him if I had known he was using me as his bitch from the beginning! I hope you have fun with him, cause its what you wanted!

I read all your text, so there is no lying or going back.

You can tell him for me to have a happy life and ask him how he could lie straight to my mother and fathers face! I spent thanksgiving and xmas with him and my family!! You can have his bitch ass!

Be happy, live life with no regrets, and NEVER let a man consume your happiness! Peace!!!! YA also u might want to get tested! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh ya and I was there when he bought your “wine glass”

*don’t forget to smile when he sticks his std dick in you!!!!* cheers bitch

Me:

What up wow brows? Classy messages. Are you always this white trash? If I only had a nickel for every stupid little girl or torn up old whore who got their heart broken by my husband… you poor thing 😦

Thanks for the warnings but you know I’ve been with that guy for over a decade, right? There’s nothing you can tell me about him that would surprise me, including how long he’s been fucking you. And by the way, why would I ever need to lie to you about my texts or anything else?! Duh. That’s so cute and amusing.

I’m actually kinda disappointed in you for not keeping your shit together. I was enjoying his little fling with you… gave me loads of free time. But oh well. I’ll get over it, hope you do too! It sucks at first but just wait 5 minutes, he’ll probably wanna fuck you again. Unless you truly are this immature and obnoxious… I mean I can understand drunk, pissed off, and sending emails at 2 am cuz you’re heartbroken… but come on. Really?

Bummer you got burned but just think of it as a life lesson and don’t ignore all the red flags next time. Cheers baby girl. You’re growing up now 😉

Her:

Not a fucking thing…

Me:

That’s right, bitch, sit the fuck back down. And fix your fucking eye brows.

Me:

I wonder if she regrets all those exclamation points?

Me:

Please God, help. Help me now. Thanks.